I'm taking a break in the middle of a winter cleaning spree. I need to rattle my space a little, it seems a tiny bit stangant in here.

So cleaning, and then smudging. And then a signing bowl, I think, followed by the soup that's been in the slower cooker for a while. My own version of a winter's harvest. I think this coming week will be better than last week. I hope.

Anyway, this is how I'm ending Pluto's mess. I think it's going direct soon. Or one of the planets that is currently retrograde is going direct. Mercury is stationary right now, will be direct tomorrow.

But Pluto and Mars...yee Gods, it's been a rough transit.

At last, it's Wednesday. An easy day, I have two classes and two office hours. Five papers left to grade, water to drink.

No snow, though, sadly. I was hoping for some. Looks like ice, tho. *meh* I'll be happy for what I get.

So, it's midwinter and I'm starting to think of summer, of festivals and what I want to do. Money may or may not be an issue, time will be, though. As in, I'll have too much of it. I won't be working at all, unless I can get a customer service job in a call center.

Or maybe, I could take guitar lessons or I could write. Dont' know.

It's still winter. I love winter. I do most of my "work" in winter - spiritual changes, physical changes all seem to happen in the fall and winter for me. Maybe that's because I have a Capricorn moon - the winter moon. Maybe.

I used to be an astrologer, but I gave it up because I felt it boxed me in (and other people), I'd start living up or down to the expectations of my chart - I'd see patterns that I could use to justify some things, even as it explained some karma to me.

My books are all gone, well most of them anyway. But I remember a lot of it. Same as tarot. I used to be a professional reader. I could go back to it, there's a place for me. But people get freaky and I charged too little - 10 dollars for 20 minutes. Pissed off other tarot readers.

But I hate the thought of people paying so much for something they could do for themselves with just a little bit of work.

This is massively unfocused, today, and I have to be to work in an hour. Hmmm...less that that if I'm to get the ice off my car.

I'm still not sure of the ins and outs of covenspace and I realize that I am publishing this to Angels, Pendulums, & Crystals, or I might be, and if I shouldn't be, I'm sorry and I'll figure out how to work this blog soon.

So, after much thinking, I've decided to dedicate this blog to the elemental jourey I seem to be on. The journey thus far has not always been very pretty, there are moments of joy scattered around moments of absolute dispair.

A lot of this may be TMI for many people, at some point this will become friends only, but for now, I guess I'm canvassing for Pagan viewpoints since there aren't many Pagans around me anymore. (I love the very few of you who still are, don't get me wrong. You know who you are. ;)

I'm trying to figure out where I'm headed, where my spiritual, physical, emotional practices are going and to that end, I'm revisiting the elemental cycles of my life - childhood until about 26 was Water. All emotion, I left Water, violently, in 1992 when I attempted suicide by slamming my car into a tree.

Even at the time, I knew it was a deliberate shift. I was afraid of it, so afraid of it that I didn't intend to live through it. But I didn't know I what I was shifting into. It was Air, all about learning, school, conversation, the making of my career as a "Professor." (I hate that term. I don't "profess;" I teach.). From 26 to 41, there was no love in my life, only friends I kept at an emotional distance, no lovers, not even casual sex. It's been all about the mind, thought, distance and objectivity. This ended last year, around Samhain, when I moved here. 

The change was just as drastic, but not as violent; the shift obvious, but far more gentle. So here I am, but where? Initially, I thought Fire. But no, I think it's Earth. All this attention on my physical body, on recovering from a devastating childhood, nurturing myself, this is Earth. I'm actively seeking people - hence the public blog where once this would have been completely private.

I don' t know where this is headed. I do know that Earth feels right at this time, so I will be activly seeking "Earth" magick. I wish now I hadn't sold Scott Cunningham's book on Earth Magick. Yeah, it's a little bit, I don't know, unimaginative, but starting at the beginning feels right, too.

Don't quite know what to do with this, yet. I've had a livejournal for years, but somehow, the types of conversations I'm having aren't what I'm looking for at the moment.

I'm not new to Paganism, either, but I'm feeling a shift. Something is in the air for me. Maybe it's just that, then, a shifting of Air. The last (almost) twenty years of my life have been all about Air, the embodiment of learning and conversation, of thinking about emotion instead of feeling it.

Before that, before 23, I think it was all about Water. Being a teenager, being a clinically depressed teenager, I was always aware of what I was feeling - no wonder I swung to Air's detachment. But what about now?

Now that I have achieved the major goals, Fire? I think so. My pace of life is certainly reflecting that. Odd, that in my astrological chart, I am 50% Earth, 30% Water, 20% Fire, and 0% Air and I have never even tried to embody Earth.

But there is Earth now, too. Being a Hellenic Pagan lacked emotive aspects, lacked a spiritual center for me. There is space in my life for Witchcraft that goes beyond Thoughtcraft.

I guess that's why I'm adding another blog to my already Airy life. To find balance. Sounds good, anyway.