I'm still not sure of the ins and outs of covenspace and I realize that I am publishing this to Angels, Pendulums, & Crystals, or I might be, and if I shouldn't be, I'm sorry and I'll figure out how to work this blog soon.

So, after much thinking, I've decided to dedicate this blog to the elemental jourey I seem to be on. The journey thus far has not always been very pretty, there are moments of joy scattered around moments of absolute dispair.

A lot of this may be TMI for many people, at some point this will become friends only, but for now, I guess I'm canvassing for Pagan viewpoints since there aren't many Pagans around me anymore. (I love the very few of you who still are, don't get me wrong. You know who you are. ;)

I'm trying to figure out where I'm headed, where my spiritual, physical, emotional practices are going and to that end, I'm revisiting the elemental cycles of my life - childhood until about 26 was Water. All emotion, I left Water, violently, in 1992 when I attempted suicide by slamming my car into a tree.

Even at the time, I knew it was a deliberate shift. I was afraid of it, so afraid of it that I didn't intend to live through it. But I didn't know I what I was shifting into. It was Air, all about learning, school, conversation, the making of my career as a "Professor." (I hate that term. I don't "profess;" I teach.). From 26 to 41, there was no love in my life, only friends I kept at an emotional distance, no lovers, not even casual sex. It's been all about the mind, thought, distance and objectivity. This ended last year, around Samhain, when I moved here. 

The change was just as drastic, but not as violent; the shift obvious, but far more gentle. So here I am, but where? Initially, I thought Fire. But no, I think it's Earth. All this attention on my physical body, on recovering from a devastating childhood, nurturing myself, this is Earth. I'm actively seeking people - hence the public blog where once this would have been completely private.

I don' t know where this is headed. I do know that Earth feels right at this time, so I will be activly seeking "Earth" magick. I wish now I hadn't sold Scott Cunningham's book on Earth Magick. Yeah, it's a little bit, I don't know, unimaginative, but starting at the beginning feels right, too.